Control Chapter 12

Chapter 12 – Sad But True

 

BPOV

Tuesday

I was lying on my bed, curled up in a ball. I noticed that I was alone and the last I remember was Rose holding me as I cried. I can't believe what I've done. I asked Jasper to leave, the best thing that ever happened to me and I destroyed it. The pain in my heart was all encompassing. I just wanted the ache to stop; death would be welcome at this point. I never told him that I loved him. The fact that I fell in love with him, just about at first sight, was crazy in itself. That shit only happened in the movies. I'm glad I didn't tell him, because now he is free and I can't poison his life. I just wanted the darkness to envelop me and I never wanted to surface.

In the distance I heard a knock on my door.

"Bella, you need to eat. I brought you a late lunch," Rose said.

So, it must be sometime in the afternoon. It feels like I have not moved a muscle in decades. I drifted back off.

I heard footsteps.

"Bella, you need to get up," Emmett said.

"Bella, please eat something. At least take a shower,'" Rose pleaded.

I just lay there. I think they were talking back and forth in a hushed tone, but I'm not sure. When I didn't respond, they eventually left.

Wednesday

I woke up to Rose shaking me and whispering my name.

"Bella, please wake up."

I wanted to respond, but I didn't have the strength.

"I brought you some breakfast and coffee. Please Bella," Rose pleaded again.

With that she was gone and I was left with my pain. I closed my eyes and just drifted.

I awoke and looked around. I was so thirsty. I slowly sat up in my bed and tried to focus on the clock. It was two in the afternoon. I slowly got up and walked to my bathroom; I got a drink of water and looked at myself in the mirror. I was truly a mess and I looked like hell, so I decided to take a shower. I turned on the hot water and stripped. I stepped under the spray and the water felt wonderful hitting my skin.

I quickly dressed in a pair of sweats and a tank top. I pulled my wet hair into a low ponytail. I looked at the tray of food that Rose brought up. A bagel, some mixed fruit, and a cup of coffee. I just had no appetite, and who wants to drink cold coffee?

I walked over to the wet bar and poured myself a glass of Jack. I knew it would numb my pain. Jack and I go way back. He became my friend toward the end of my marriage to Edward. I brought the glass to my lips to take a sip and ended up downing the glass. The warmth that filled my body felt good. I poured myself another glass as a memory of Jasper flashed through my head.

"Do you trust me?" he asked.

"Yes," I squeaked out.

He bent down and kissed my breast, then brought my nipple into my mouth; I arched my back and let out a moan.

"I love your breasts, Bella," he said in between nibbling and sucking on them.

He ran his hand down my body and across the waistband of the last piece of clothing that was keeping me from him. "Off," he said and he quickly removed them.

"You have way too much clothing on, cowboy," I said.

"All in good time darlin'. Right now, it's all about me wanting to give you pleasure."

He took an ice cube out of his glass of Jack and slowly ran it between my breast and down my stomach. I moaned as he swirled the ice cube around my belly button and let it melt. He leaned down and let his tongue take the same path as the ice did."

"Jasper...please," I moaned.

"Please what, darlin'?" He asked as he licked just above my core.

"Stop teasing me, I can't take much more," I panted.

"Your body smells so good Bella,"

His mouth finally was where I longed it to be. His tongue licked and flicked my clit, making me arch into his mouth. He slid his tongue into me, causing me to scream his name.

"Jasper!"

I shook my head after I downed my second glass. I cried as the memories broke what was left of my heart. I was shocked that I had any tears left to shed. I poured myself another glass and finally I could feel the numbness set in, with the fourth glass all pain was gone, and I fell back into the darkness.

"Bella...Bella...Bella."

I could feel someone shaking me and saying my name.

"Bella, wake up!"

It was Rose. Why was she shouting?

"What?" I managed to get out.

"Oh my god, you're okay. You were passed out cold."

"I still would be if you would have left me alone," I moaned.

"You need to eat. I brought you soup and crackers. Please, eat."

"Fine, leave it," I snapped.

God my head hurt, I turned over and fell back asleep.

I woke up to find it dark in my room. My head still hurts. I focused on the clock; it was ten at night. Shit, what the hell day is it? I got up and noticed the tray of food. Soup and crackers. I ate a few crackers and drank the broth in the chicken soup along with some noodles. I walked over to my bar and picked up the bottle of Jack and poured a glass. Fuck, how did my life get so out of control? I downed the glass. Edward and Charlie, that's how. I truly hated Edward Cullen and cursed the day I met him, and as for Charlie, I despised him. I poured another glass and downed it. I lost Jasper because of them, my blood started to boil, my anger took over and I started throwing anything within my reach.

My little tantrum lasted only a few minutes. I poured myself another glass and crawled into bed. I closed my eyes. I didn't want to think or feel. I just wanted to die.

 

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