Chapter 5 - What Hurts the Most
BPOV
I woke up to the sun shining through the window. I stretched
and found an empty bed. I scrambled for my clothes and made my way to the
kitchen, where I smelled coffee, bacon, and eggs.
Jasper looked up at me as I entered the room. "Good
morning darlin'."
"Morning," I said as I walked over to him. He
handed me a cup of coffee and placed a kiss on my forehead.
"Breakfast is almost ready. How did you sleep?"
"I slept well," I said, blushing as I remembered
last night.
"Why are you blushing?" he said in a teasing tone.
I took a sip of my coffee, wishing I could disappear.
"Darlin', you're so sexy when you blush," he said
as he put his arms around me and placed a sweet kiss on my lips.
"That's good because I happen to blush a lot around
you," I said as I playfully smacked his shoulder.
Jasper laughed and plated our food and we ate our breakfast,
talking about everything and anything. I felt so comfortable with him, like
I've known him forever. We cleaned up in silence; he seemed to be in deep
thought about something, he looked upset.
"Jasper, is everything okay?" I said as I refilled
our coffees.
I turned around and handed him his cup. He looked so lost.
"Bella, can you sit down for a minute, please? I have
something I need to tell you," he said with a shaky voice.
My heart sank, "Okay." I sat at the end of the
island and just watched him. He was leaning on the counter, running his right
hand through his hair.
"I need to tell you something about my past," he
took a deep breath. "It just seems so effortless and comfortable to be
with you, and I want to explore a possible future with you darlin', but I need
to tell you why I moved here."
"Jasper, if you think it's important for me know, then
tell me, please," I said as I was looking at him for some clue as to what
he was going to tell me. I bit my lower lip. He had such a tortured look on his
face and it broke my heart.
"Bella, please do me a favor and just let me get
through what I have to say," he pleaded as he walked over to me and sat
down. He took my hands in his and he looked deep into my eyes.
"Where to start?" he said under his breath.
"It was over two years ago. Once a month, my brother
Peter and I would go out with the guys for a few drinks and shoot some pool.
That night started out like every other time we went out. I was living with my
girlfriend, Bree, at the time. We had been living together for almost a year.
That night when I came home, I found the door was not locked which I thought
was odd. I walked in and the place was a mess. and The TV and stereo were
missing and I became frantic. I ran to the bedroom yelling Bree's name."
He took a deep breath, his eyes searched mine for a
reaction. I just nodded for him to continue.
"I reached the bedroom and our belongings were thrown
everywhere. I looked down and saw her on the floor, she was badly beaten and
covered in blood," he said as his voice cracked. His eyes never left mine.
"I scrambled and felt for her pulse but I was too
late...she was already gone. I held her and just screamed. I finally had enough
sense to call 911. After they took my statement, I called Peter to come and get
me. For the next several months I was basically a zombie, just existing, going
through the motions of life, not feeling any emotion but pain and guilt. Guilt
for going out that night and not being there to protect her."
He stopped. I could see he was shaken up, so I squeezed his
hand gently to try to soothe him, then he continued.
"The men were caught and put in jail to await trial.
This brought some relief to my pain, but I still couldn't function. My family
thought my behavior was unhealthy and begged me to seek help. I found a great
therapist and after a while I found that talking about it helped and I started
to work through the guilt I felt over that night."
He paused. My heart was breaking for him, and I was fighting
back my tears, but failed as one fell down my cheek. He slowly wiped it away.
"Bella?" he asked, his voice laced with concern.
“Oh, Jasper,” I whispered and I wiped away the tear. “Please,
continue.”
"The men were convicted and sent to prison. I was able
to start living again, as justice was served. I started spending time with my
family again and returned to training horses. The guilt of not being there
still eats away at me every day, but I also realized that blaming myself for
not protecting her was counterproductive. So, when this job opportunity came
along, I jumped on it. It was a chance to start fresh."
He paused and I was about to say something when he wiped a
tear away that fell down my cheek and placed a finger on my lips.
"I never imagined meeting someone like you. This draw I
have for you is overwhelming. I never thought I would feel so alive and
complete again, but I do with you, Bella."
He lifted his finger from my lips. "Jasper, oh my god!
I'm so sorry you had to go through that." I threw my arm around him and
cried. "Thank you for sharing your past with me."
"Darlin', I just wanted you to know everything,"
he whispered.
We sat at the kitchen island for what felt like forever. We
just held each other and whispered soothing words of comfort to one another.
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